I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
