I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
