I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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