There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
