I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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