I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
