I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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