so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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