hotel room ftw
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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