1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
