so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
