So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
