Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
