I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
