I'm really into asian looking animals
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
