There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
