Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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