I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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