woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
