woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
