Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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