would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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