Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
