My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
