I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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