Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
