Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
