dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
