My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
