that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
