I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
