Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
