i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
