everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Randomize
