so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
