not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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