I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
