I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Randomize
