Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
