It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
