So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
