I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
