Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
