I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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