you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
