a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
