Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
