it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You're like the curious george of whores
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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