so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
