my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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